Those of you who know me know that I have a stepdaughter with autism.  It feels a little strange even calling her my stepdaughter because I have been in her life for nearly 15 years, since she was just eight years old.  I have known her mother even longer (we were high school friends), and I’m so grateful to her for trusting me with her most prized possession.  It’s true what they say… “it takes a village to raise a child” and this is especially true when that child is autistic.  We are a family joined together and rallied around her.

I admit, before Courtney, I had little experience or knowledge of autism and, at that time, there was still much research to be done.  I was nervous to meet her and, moreover, nervous about my two year old son to meet her for fear of him unintentionally offending her father by his inquisitiveness.  I knew that he would have a lot of questions about why she was nonverbal and not like many of the other kids that he’d been around.  I explained to him before meeting her that she was like the other children but just communicated in her own way and he appeared satisfied with my answer.  That evening, when we met her, we got so much more than we had expected.  There, in her Barney-themed bedroom sat a petite and bright-eyed beauty with blond curls and an inviting grin.  I was drawn to her, immediately, and so was my young son.

It has been a blessing, through the years, to watch our kids grow up together and be so close.  We’ve hosted birthday parties with the children from the neighborhood for Courtney, dressed her up for Halloween and spoiled her with mountains of Christmas gifts, none of which she appeared overly enthused about but, in my heart and in hers, they are beautiful memories that our family has together.  Courtney has faced her challenges head on, still requiring assistance to meet her daily needs but also overcoming some difficult obstacles.  We have gotten the opportunity to see her graduate from school and recently be baptized at her church.  At her job, she receives praise for her work and we are all so proud of her.

Though Courtney is nonverbal and can’t express her requests and feelings in our language, we have all found ways to communicate with her.  We realize that she yearns to be like every other girl her age, wearing makeup and doing her hair or going out with friends.  I see the way that she leaps in front of the bathroom mirror when I am putting makeup on, asking me to put it on her, too.  I’ve even seen her admire a boy or two.  We realize how frustrating it is for her to have the anxieties that she faces while not having people understand her thoughts.  Certainly, she seeks normalcy, but her parents and I also take comfort knowing that we don’t have to worry about her being in an accident while driving or suffering a broken heart because of a boy.  Our worries are for her future, when we are all gone from this earth, but she has three younger brothers who I know will be good to her and take care of her in every way possible.

Courtney teaches me not to sweat the small stuff, not to allow the unimportant things to upset me.  She shows me that life is about being happy with what you have, not what you want, and she shows us how to love, unconditionally.  That is just a couple of the gifts that she brings to our lives and it is the beautiful side of an otherwise challenging way of life and we look forward to seeing all her future accomplishments.